2003Oct11 (Poem+)
Saturday

Much madness is divinest sense to a discerning eye – thematic, anorexic solitude is not blindness but distance as if an eagle has a more objective view from high above reality – what changes, what reality so different when I fall back to the earth! Personal truth is inherently subjective, our dreams like our fears are actualized beyond all control as if there was no choice but to be here. And what comfort we take in the illusion of choice! I am stuck with myself, captive on a boat whose sail clings to the wind for a sense of purpose while direction only seems more relevant than movement. What shore will be my destiny? A shady beach or rocky reef? The eagle, as it falls, must alter it’s course to snatch it’s prey. What fish stays motionless? What wind does not shift? Entonces

A sailor’s wings
Agile anchored talons
Catch the moment
Depart from the journey
Regal centered being
Alive and free

2003Aug04 (Poem)
To think that words are not hollow
Shells or fragments of unmanifest thought
Vessels empty of action
To think how full the void.
Resonant sound from a plucked string
Wine breathing the same air that floats a ship
Or makes snow even as it saves a skydiver
The void sets an eagle adrift
And makes waves in the ocean
Words are a womb, Shiva’s conch, and music
Notation for the sake of imagination
Rhythm keeps us moving
Language keeps us being
Dreams keep us alive.

2003Jul12 (Poem)
[no date, may be Jul19]
Comfort day –
Shabbos morning grace
Exceptional beauty
Sophisticated stride
Place of indulgent words and drink
Love in all even as she walks away
A gem’s value may be it’s flaw
But the light comes from it’s facets
Introspection is a hall of mirrors
All ways the labyrinth
Leads back to the center
And the end is always
The beginning again

2003May06 (Poem+)
I am in love. Or in light. There is a visible – blaringly visible – delicate glow that permeates all that there is. Lightening strikes a spiral ripple in this lake of emotion; there is the same wellspring at the center of our lives; the same spark or glimmer – am I insane? Are my dreams really coming true? – And yet I know her, she’s changeable and likely to turn against herself. She cares about me, more than anyone has before, but what will happen? There are so many variables (and so many people). I don’t worry about others coming between us – no one knows us, or understands us, enough. I worry about her judgment, though she has demonstrated more ability than I have to show. I wonder how much of a chance we are taking on each other, or if this is as fateful as it seems. Or is it fateful? At times (such as today) I find myself in the midst of the wildest coincidence, strange even for synchronistic things.
[next page]
Such a perfect day on which I dine.
A perfect woman to stimulate my palate
Like a painter I sense the mood of the hue
Even as you remind me
Of that ever important substance called light
You drive by, a flash of your presence
Enough I hope to capture this thought
Even after it has begun.
Native son shadows the violinist
And my hunger strengthens
Who cares where my next meal comes from!!!
This one is on it’s way!

There is a certain façade that is expected of others, big or small we prepare for it; and they, us. You see, as we look at each other we put a certain distance between ourselves. That, in turn, makes us feel separated – like we’re in a glass jar because there’s this invisible wall between us and every-body-else… and we want more, so, we look for that someone who we can connect to and develop our ability to connect to all and then one day… one day, I meet this woman who I felt no wall with our touch – we touched and it was free.
[next page]
What will they all think of me! We all know the truth is no one is likely to understand. She is strange (everyone knows that) but I might just scare the hell out of them. People are frightened by things that move quickly like lightening – although, the chance of being hit by lightening in far less than that of contracting a terminal illness. – Nevertheless, poelpe spook more easily than sheep (and herd as well) and like my friend says “though we walk on the backs of the ewes as dogs, we must never forget we are part of the flock”. Heaven bring me as much. I am now haling.
[next page, evening?]
Is my heart so malleable, tenderized and softened, that it now forms to every movement her spirit makes? And where did she come from? I didn’t think that people like her could be in this world. She is the most magnificent soul a person could hope to shere with her presence. Her eyes are light. I feel her with the core of my being. And I need to touch her. I am still so afraid of losing, yet this is the greatest unknown connection to someone I’ve made ever. I’ve met
[cut off]

2003May01 (Poem)

From the book of unforgotten sorrows
I lament my departure
From the light-filled being
I once found
With you.

It no longer matters
If the star I see
Is from crawling through a tunnel
Or falling down a hole

That your radiance,
Even when just a glimmer
Incites me to live
Inspires me to love

I’ll forever strive
To be complete

And dream of a time
When I felt whole

This chapter is a story of it’s own
The end will be resounding
And irreversible
What risk is there to reading on?
But that the enjoyment will conclude
And leave me where I’m at
Alone and missing you

[next page]

Love is as beguiling as the sunrise in your eyes

Let me feel you
Come bring your breath
Closer to my ear
And whisper
So I can hear your heartbeat
From below
Let your energy flow
Around / the line / between us
I’m reflexive
To your touch

Let me see you

2003Apr30

I see
All thousand points of light
And there are shadows
That record the space between waves
In an ever expanding funnel
Like a spiral cyclone
Situated rests
Make a staircase
And there is a downward draft
A falling luminescence
Gently pressing
On the crown
And the ground
The eye itself
Becomes peaceful
And I hear
And I feel

I see
From here to infinity
Recording shards of truth
Broken ripples in the flow of things
An ever changing experience
Twisted around memory

2003Apr23 (Poem)

Stairs and steps
Extend one’s life
Even as sun and water
Cure all things
Calligraphy and photography
Both write for the eyes
And poetry is beauty
Loving is living

A spiritual bridge
Built one stone at a time
Spans our lives
As we step toward another day
Climbing as if we could take flight
And knowing these stairs, this effort
Is as perfect coming up
As the indulgence of the past
And the present back on solid ground

Each time the day comes
Our eyes drink light
And quench our need
For beauty
And we manifest ourselves
As visible sources
Of spirit
I see when I look at you
The sunrise ever present in your eyes
And love as I try one word at a time

2003Apr14 (Poem+)

Where have my words gone as if I am afraid to mar this page, because it is the first, though days pass by like page after page and no one can remember the beginning. It is as if the human condition is a simple state of being ‘caught between’. We start reading the story of our lives at chapter 13 and spend the rest of the time trying to figure out what’s going on while sticking to the story. Did we skip ahead or hold ourselves back when we started in the middle? There have been no viable solutions for mankind.

Pride is a pestilence,
Multi-faceted shards of stars
From a shattered wine glass
Sinking feeling of loss

Like a fisherman who never had
And never caught

There is sadness in the dream
Even while there’s lobster
Boilin’ in the pot.

And I think aloud and louder
Is there any other answer
To the question why
Then just because?

And they fear me
They fear me for saying
That weapons are tools of hatred –
Let’s not love them
That children never chose to be here –
Let’s not blame them
That life itself does not need to
Evolve around death.

Destroy!!! The charioteer bellows and we needn’t think he has pride but arrogance and gall and he’s full of it.

“I am so powerful – look at my horses”
Is that nonsensical to anyone else?
Horses. Horses.
I don’t know about you but
I am not my horses.

I like to think of living
As being akin to sailing on
An ever expansive ocean
And territorial destruction is
Never a part of the plot of my course.

Freedom for me does not mean slavery for you –

And while there’s stew on the stove
– sustenance in hand –

Pride is the cry for more
Even as we reach for our bottles to pour
Health from a glass lip
Even as we sip
We say this is just a door
To ourselves.

When will we alone be enough?

Pearls in succession lace her neck
Diamonds, rubies, and maybe one
Perfect sapphire adorn her perfect soul.
And her heart sees them, but does it
Recognize her self? Her selflessness
Is a state of being, intangible
But represented by things.
Does her mind acknowledge me
As another sovereign being?
Does she love me?
Is she the only one?

2002Jul06 (Poem)

Fluttering discordant rapidity
Before my eyes a blur
Memories and visions of the future
Are the same static
Repetitive sounds
Random rhythmic events
Separated only by confusion
Understanding virtue
And a butterfly
Moving up and down

My shakti loves another
As do I – all others in fact
The core of my heart, the center of my being
Belongs to her
Although I am betrothed to the world
I, fatefully, am my own maker
Like her
Each new moment
And I pray for the fortune
To blissfully reflect in her presence again.
Please God, relieve this heartbreak.

2002Jun24 (Poem)

[in margin, note – frame one]

Bordas De Hielo, Cesar Vallejo

[bracketed – frame two]

Tears
Are pearls
Flowing as if
Flowering
In a succession
Of spheres
Echoed and reflected
In a cavern
Filled with the
Darkness that exists
Between water and ice

[boxed – frame three]

Is there passion in the stillness left behind by movement?

2002Jun23 (Poem)

Critical diffusion
Confused inside
An ill mind
Definition
Becoming in question
Thoughtless rogue
Like one strand of a rope
Hanging from the brain
Tied to a brick
Motion
Emotion
Still falling
Almost hitting ground
My anxiety
I don’t own
And my soul is a fool
Locked in a room
Sitting on a throne
While my heart bleeds to death.

2002Feb01 (Poem)
[no date +- two days]

The spirit is tremendous.
It has the power of a raptor.
It is limitless potential manifesting.
The spirit is the source of the body and all thought.
It is not what defines color
But the light that shines through.
Natural essence is indestructible.
The image of you has been irreplaceably etched in my mind.
You are my personification of being.
There is a conquering of illusion in reality.
‘What is’, has become – from nothingness springs eternity.
And like a flower bud that holds the promise of beauty
(Thus it is itself a beautiful thing),
A love of the soul is unending.
So with you, my love, I share forever.
And always a will to truly live.

2002Jan18 (Poem)

Writing for performance

Rapture is a terrifying seduction
Stretch, to touch, to let go
What’s grabbed gets thrown
Relinquish that which could never be controlled
Give up, give in, get sucked in
To an experience of pure fantasy
What awaits is wilder than one’s feeble dreams.
Satisfy your urges
Eat, drink, smoke, and laugh
Your illusions of pain are real
Play with life, it’s only temporary
Go ahead, play with fire
That’s part of the joke
This world cannot hurt you,
Unless you want it to.
Forsake your suffering
And ride the wave of bliss
Self-gratification is why we’re here
Passion is designed to tale you higher
Reciprocate your desire
Take a partner and dance
This is it, the here and now
This is all we get.
Make the most of it
Tomorrow will always hold surprises
Don’t second-guess your life
You’ll only ever be wrong.
Savor the miraculous and for God’s sake
Be happy – heaven awaits.

2002Jan15 (Poem)
An unconditional chemical –
Lord Shiva is a mix
Of hydrogen, oxygen, and carbon.
All matter must be a miracle.
Nothing exists but aberrations.
Reality is a mutation
Of something more pure.
Can love be definable
Through terms of structure
And branched lines?
Nature is infinitely more complex
Than what the mind can conceive.
The arrogance of simplification
Circumvents one’s ability to perceive
The fundamental magic of life,
That it’s more basic
Than can be expressed in words.
Ganesh is just an elephant
Who eats, shits, and bathes.
And yet, water is the source of life –
Hydrogen, oxygen, and carbon.
It’s not static with it’s movements
Everchanging rain, clouds, and ocean.
Shiva, enfolded, bursts forth
Like lightening before a storm…
And of what use is wind?
Chemical interactions
Are the ‘dance of the universe’ –
Not just action and reaction
In some fantasy of balance,
But the substance of the dream itself.
Movement is the only unconditional thing,
Movement and the chemical friction of love.

2002Jan12 (Poem)
[no date]

Musical vibrations of organic rhythm
Not the hum of diesel engined
Where is my love?
Tribal chanting and primal sex
Who is my love?
Is the distant call so far away that
I have tuned out her screaming now?
Does she know I am waiting?
Is she looking?
I cannot search anymore. I saw her
In everyone. I rode the train to
Hell and back, legs clacking as I tripped
Over the ties that bound me to the
Earth. I’ve heard the sounds of metal
Grinding into dirt and pressure
Valves releasing – not at all like
The gasp that will escape her
Lips when I touch her or the
Silent friction of two bodies
Lubricated by sweat. I am stopped, now
Standing, tired of losing what I
Have for what I want and still not
Having her. I am looking up, now.
I stare at the clouds where the sound
Of falling rain is made. I gaze
At the stars that seem to somehow
Coax the crickets out of hiding.
And I see the moon that calls out the
Whole orchestra of nature. Is she
Up there? Does she hear my heart
Pounding, the drums of thunder coming,
The hope in spoken words meant to
Conjure up her loving? Does she hear me?
Does she hear me. Is she listening?
I break down the peacefulness, start
A fire, create explosion after
Explosion – running home with one
Foot after another stomping on the
Ground like a toddler trying to
Say I want you to catch me. I
Need attention. Now! I speed up
Until I’m exhausted and try to sleep
To the gentle song of unfulfilled passion,
Quietly sobbing please.