skysurfer.media

Poetry

  • 2004Jul19 (Poem)

    2004Jul19 (Poem)
    Monday
    (The Butterfly Factor)
    Inhibiting lucidity
    Blaring and bleak
    With intensity
    Cohabited stone-yard
    Isolated island
    Flung through space
    Eruption from the point of no return

    ,

  • 2004Jul21 (Poem)

    2004Jul27 (Poem)

    Frail looking
    Hollow skin or flesh
    Cheap or free connections
    Never gifted
    Until the veil is lifted
    Dissipates a fog-like lie
    In an instant – an eternity
    A discerning eye
    Caresses the senses
    Then makes up its own mind
    It must be love
    Or there’ll be hell to pay
    Refresh dormant ideas
    Sullen but hopeful
    In this time
    And with my needs
    Compelled to be grateful
    Unsearching and found

    Free is just cheaper than cheap
    Priceless is unconditional
    “Unless another idea as unique (and better),
    Then this one without charge”
    Ridicules the comparison of invaluables
    And brings about a bill
    Unsent and unpaid
    Holographic is unmanifest material
    And I am changing [the way I do business?]
    Nothing!

    The ocean is just water with nowhere left to go but up.

    Satisfaction comes through acceptance.

    ,

  • 2004Aug05

    2004Aug05
    Fog this morning, followed by sunshine – glorious in that rarely does one see the sun this early in Arcata (at least on foggy mornings). I am this way in my head this morning, too…. Foggy, but lifting. Pragmatic tasks to cling on to, but not the frictionless ear for my words yet. My heart – it’s pain now quelled or numbed – still yearns for Leticia. Is this madness? I don’t value a thousand dollars or a thousand rubies or temporary satisfactions past, present, or future as much as I value that everlasting sense of completion when I think of her. And what if my dreams come true today – if God answers my prayers and Leticia comes back into my life? I still do not have a thousand dollars, or rubies, or means to provide for a family. I don’t understand how I could be so completed and so inadequate. I pray this morning that the provisions I need be given and my heart be satisfied in whatever my Lord sees fit. I cannot begin to dissect the dynamic of energies and their recent shifts. Today I am keenly aware that my life is in the hands of God. I – the great I – am only human. Maybe I just need to get laid.

    And what am I waiting for? (Not who, but what.) Flirtatious eyes – a beautiful blonde and Shannon a sexy brunette, friendly and kind gentle spirit. My life has been graced with a lot of pretty women, though the last few years I’ve devoted my heart to Leticia (who hasn’t been in my life for as long). My desire, as a man, to find a mate died the moment I saw her, the day I found everything I’d been looking for. And how shamefully masked my contentment was by depression, self-pity, and an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. She is not a token of achievement, not a proving ground to make me feel good enough. I have lots of women available to me, and who would accept me, but Leticia is the one I want. That she doesn’t want me is far from enticing. And would I conquer? Could I? I want my love to be effortless and destined, not contrived or worked for, but free. I feel like I’m going around in circles, repetitive thoughts appropriately spiral bound and dated but all the same thought underlying – I love Leticia. Despite all distractions (alcoholic or female), I still only have eyes for her. Am I insane? Self-depriving, using her as a tool? Karma, maybe. I wonder what must have happened in a previous life! Between my physical need for sex and my emotional isolation I think I might break. Dear God please guide me through this day, provide for me and dispel my confusion. Please allow me to find the contentment I yearn for. I have a certain self-acceptance that I need shared and reflected. I have learned how to love myself but I need to be loved by someone else. Please send me the one who will take me for all that I am, flaws included, whoever and however that may happen. And if not my fantasy of Leticia, then show me a soul more perfect. I alone am powerless to fulfill this need for myself.

    And so I wait
    And I wander
    In a delicate dance
    I revisit my life’s historical sites
    Of romances begun and battles ended
    I step or stomp on stone after stone
    Each gem, each seed,
    Some spec of light that reminds me of her

    , ,

  • 2004Aug06 (Poem+)

    2004Aug06
    Connect!
    Rejuvenate and be free
    It’s time to dance and sing
    And love with wreckless abandon
    I’m going to show the world what
    Power there is in faith
    I have leapt from the edge of the abyss
    Crossed the point of no return
    Thrown caution to the wind
    And dared to dream an impossible dream.
    How could I ever be good enough for her?
    Is there any limit to the amount of
    Money I could spend? How many times
    Do I need to get laid to satisfy my
    desire for sex? How fast can we go?
    Light speed lifestyle
    No replay
    Life’s too short to walk around in circles.
    When I touch you
    It’s immediate
    Foreplay
    It’s a glimmer in the shadow of what’s
    Already here.
    And to revel in passion
    A passionate revelation
    Security is the seed of truth in an illusion
    It doesn’t matter who I fuck
    I know who I love
    I will live my life to honor my love
    She’s not here? Oh, well I guess
    That makes me available. I have
    Become – a heartbreaker.
    I will touch and taste and savor
    Any body within reach
    I will sustain myself, feed myself
    With passing satisfactions
    While I wait for her
    And when she comes (I want to
    Make her come) She will come
    And I will crumble as I do already
    To feel her – and nothing else exists
    I am dedicated to contenting
    Myself with what is offered
    And I will not have landed,
    Reached the other side of the
    Stream, or chasm, or veil
    Until she offers herself to me.
    I pray for this everyday. I have
    Searched my soul and, by God,
    I will not change my mind.
    My dream must be my destiny
    For my life to have meaning
    And my path is guided by illustration.

    [no date]
    Something so unheard of that no one even joked about it’s possibility, it was the kind of thing about which only the old ones spoke. – Candidly hushed, it was such that no one dreamt they’d ever see, nonetheless ever be so near – they’d even stop to question if it had happened ever once. Or they’d pause just to ponder if it could happen once more and the children always laughed about it. No one ever doubted how wonderful it would be. Unmentionable except as an idea and still impossibly possible no one tempted fate, all agreed. In the evenings, the lonely prayed while the morning replaced them with new love’s play – and illusion-like potential

    [no date, just before 2004Aug13]

    The Other Woman
    In the dark
    Has a similar touch
    But lacks your eyes
    She has an equal soul
    But lacks your heart
    The other woman, in a sparkle
    Or a burst of sensuality
    Finds herself with the wrong man.
    In all of them I find
    My need for you
    For the moment
    And the difference might as
    Well be fantasy….
    My dream of another woman
    Let’s me down, has a beginning
    And an end inherent but with
    You there’s something forever –
    Even a passing thought sustains me.
    And a moment with you
    Lasts an eternity.

    Metamorphic churning….

    ,

  • 2004Aug13 (Poem)

    2004Aug13 (Poem)
    Redwood Park
    Early afternoon

    Don’t trip on the promise
    Of yesterday’s forecast.
    Don’t fall backwards
    Planning tomorrows events.
    Positive presence:
    [Give her what she wants,
    But
    Don’t forget about myself]
    Selfless
    Full-bodied
    Being –
    Treasure is a celebration;
    Savour the moment,
    Dispel the world,
    And stop breaking thinks down.
    Rise.

    ,

  • Motel Evening

    2005Mar03 (Poem)

    Motel Evening

    Slow drive went quickly

    With a race to get home

    Too fast – Too far away

    It wasn’t quite an escape

    Caught by the net

    (Or was it a web)

    There was never a predator

    Or malice behind smiling

    The laughter didn’t have to be

    Nervous (hiding from failing)

    Antidote to an imagine disease

    Could have been some other place

    Some palace guarded by a stone face

    (Cracked open and undisclosed)

    Assured discretions unpalatable

    After unnecessary lies

    We wove along the road

    And we weren’t even there

    Hypothetical trysts gone wrong

    Never saw the point of no return

    Could have gone faster

    Could have been truthful

    We could have jumped into something

    Not so make-believe – could have had more

    We might have pierced the thickest veil

    There was fog and the wind felt torn

    Music only lulled our already hidden dreams

    Crystallized wine soothed unmassaged muscles

    The glass was real, but the sound was not

    There was nothing there to want

    Imagination was just a game

    And play became so serious

    We took a break from living

    Promised not to tell a soul

    And stared into each others eyes

    We tripped over ourselves

    Truest desires most often stay suppressed

    Nothing to risk, nothing but a valued possibility

    , , ,

  • Recurring

    2005Mar05

    Swirled words on a Saturday night,

    Mixed emotions,

    And blended time frames.

    Artwork creating being

    Recurring, episodic acquaintances

    Friendly, but challenging

    Destined transience

    Planted seeds

    There’s a shifting in the energetics of the situation

    Motion, emotion

    Memories of promises to come

    And dreams of wishes made true

    , , ,

  • Elliptical Attraction

    2005Mar09

    Games of jealousy

    Resistance designed

    To be released –

    A controlled inevitability

    …and with so much passion

    Ricocheted arrows

    With a recoiled touch

    Make a pass

    Held back and drawn close

    Without any need for reason

    Elliptical attractions

    Ebb and flow

    High and low

    With not much in between

    Today is a season

    Found in frozen ground

    Physical orbit magnetic

    And gaining speed

    There’s an anticipated collision

    Distant eyes flirt

    Play with the heart

    Reaching out, but

    They don’t touch

    Holding out, until then

    , , ,

  • Tonight’s Lady…

    Dreams riddled in waking fits

    Drifter from the realm of One
    Walking ever nowhere, again
    Casing crowns and disrobing
    Starlit curves pass promises
    Touch sudden caught breath
    An indulgent haunting hunger
    Grips, grasps, and lets you go
    ,

  • Tongue Touch

    slip-drop
    driving rhythmic rain
    cozy in a warm place
    lickety-split
    a casual close call
    I don't wanna talk
    ,

  • Untitled

    in the chamber of a smoke filled bubble
    is the ember of a life still breathing
    the capricious flow of time beats
    blows memories into dreams
    tests limits, breaks rules
    challenges mortality
    and even still
    it survives
    light
    a soul fire
    so intertwined
    with a cold wind
    rigid contemplation
    and hopeless ambitions
    one intrinsically needs another
    as the impetus of ideas is worthless
    without drifting visions to dispel the real
    ,