2001Jul21 Secrets of the Blues Revealed I, IV, & V, rhythm and soul is all it takes to play the blues. What I want to talk about here is the soul. Sadness, loss, grief, and pain are such powerful things that they carry the potential to destroy one’s spirit. How wonderful life would be without…

2001Jul22 Today the miracle continues. I am moved by the grace of God as I stand in awe of the beauty around me. And there is magic everywhere I go.

2001Jul29 [approximate date continued] And there my moon sank into the morning fog, elegantly and beautifully, and in the west rose my Shiva, the fire within me. The moon, she left a trail of yellow, red, then purple. But as her hue faded there was the sun emitting those same colors, one after the other…

2001Aug15 My thoughts are consumed by Leticia. My heart reaches out for her and the connection I feel to Alina is indescribable. I want to be her father, her teacher, her friend. Still, Leticia is her mother and must be the only person whole in herself. I hope Leticia has talked to her mother. I…

2002Jan02 [date +/- two days] What is this? A curse of chosen loneliness? Are these words that ooze from the tip of my pen truly more powerful than a weapon of water? They say the chase is more fun than the kill, but I think the best moment is after the chase is over –…

2002Jan04 Katrina’s [Oklahoma] Ironic how I find solace in words now when they only used to taunt me. I suppose part of it is pure boredom. I could be nearing California by now, though I would be road weary. Instead I am nearing the core of my heart, world weary and drinking bourbon which I…

2002Jan05 This morning brings about the promise of calm in my mind. The storm is subsiding and even the cold outside has eased. Weatherford – another significant name. When I was told that everything would happen for me in Texas, well, I thought I’d never be there…. Next stop, Amarillo. I wonder if this has…

2002Jan06 6am coffee. A great nights sleep. Freezing cold outside, but no rain. I left Virginia on Jan. first, around noon. I arrived here on the third. All signs say I should go west today. I’m running out of money. I’m bored. People are starting to talk to me. If I don’t leave today I…

2002Jan10 So I’ve always known that spirits confuse names, or maybe just the mediums mistranslate, but I did not expect Texas to mean Phoenix. I suppose, that with the name significances of this last year (not to mention the particular significance of this trip), that Phoenix was indeed more appropriate than Amarillo to learn the…

2002Jan11 Today is grey again, though not in spirit. There is too much to write and not enough time. It’s a business day. – – – Afternoon – – – Now for the practicality of life… I need money. $55 for an application fee to school, money for books, food and most importantly – entertainment.…

2002Jan13 Poor Souls How ironic that I was one of them, the spiritually impoverished. I was all of them not too long ago. Here I am, just sitting, no longer begging for some reason to be who I am. The hell I’ve seen! The old clichéd and honestly treacherous path I thought I had to…

2002Jan15 Renee is incredible. She’s thought provoking and intelligent, beautiful and kind. She knows her own strength which is appealing to me. Actually, all of her is appealing to me (that which I know). I wonder what will manifest between us. At this point, anything is possible and that terrifies me. I am so satisfied…

2002Jan16 Sunshine. Another beautiful day in Arcata. No answer at Renee’s this morning – we’re supposed to go to the beach. My fear of rejection makes me wonder if I’m getting blown off, but then again, I know she has a fear of expectation. I wonder if what I have to learn from her is…

2002Jan18 Or maybe I’m wrong. Creativity for any purpose becomes contrived just as I can’t force a relationship with Leticia. There is continued sunshine today. I awoke thinking of Leticia and through my complex logic I’ve decided I need a girlfriend. I am not prepared for the life long relationship I want – materially –…

2002Jan19 He writes himself letters. We wonder where your mind is at regarding sex. It is the purity inside the dirty that makes it hot. It’s taboo nature is what makes it arousing. I have just purchased art supplies. Even pen and ink is sensual. It is no different from a chill running up my…

2002Feb15 Today I saw a red-tailed hawk swoop down in front of me and kill his prey. I was unexpectedly on my way to Trinidad and the ocean. I am reborn. The sun has just come out and the waves are brilliant with turbulence. Gravity is both pushed and pulled in ever-changing patterns of movement.…

2002Feb17 Don’t think, just do. Actions speak louder than words. Yet there are those who think first and those who talk about what they’re going to do. There are those whose actions are thoughtful. The importance of mysticism in my life is often misunderstood. The sensations of living are a spiritual experience. What I do…

2002Feb26 Ritual: A beer, cigarette, non-ball point pen, top-bound spiral notebook…. Journaling, sketch book – must have ruler and dictionary, thesaurus and light. As the calla lily opens it turns white. I am tempted to cut it when it becomes perfect, before it begins to die in the slightest. One has already opened and the…

2002Feb27 There is a hummingbird suckling the jasmine. I must find out if I can grow hibiscus here. With other herbs it could become a tea garden. Eating is a ritual. A simple way of life has the most profound rituals. Right now, raw almonds are my addiction. I share them with the dog but…

2002Mar03 [dated 3/3 – 3/4] I have an eye; I know that. What I want is the ability to show what’s in my mind’s eye. I do not have a very visual mind. It is more conceptual. I want to communicate the feeling that a building can have, for instance, pushing you away with it’s…

2002Mar06 Who are we travelers of the night? By the same honor among thieves we traverse the shadows, reappearing luminescently in the daily lives of strangers. And yet, we are the strangers. Murderers and vampires alike show us respect. We are God-sent foreigners spreading the magic of truth across a land built on lies. Somewhat…

2002Mar07 This day; this anxiety! These cycles come at such unpredictable times. I felt it coming on this time for two or three days. I want to sculpt the tightness in my chest with ropes wrapped around my heart. Thank God for ganja. I have to take the air I breathe in deeper, slower rhythm.…