An open letter to Corvallis coffeeshops: As of writing this, I’ve decided I’m done with coffeeshops in Corvallis. I’ve been insulted for the last time. Since I quit drinking alcohol more than a dozen years ago, I drink coffee 24/7 and I’ve been spending $150 a month or more at coffeeshops for many, many years.…

People aren’t meant to be this lonely.  I don’t have any friends or anyone who cares about me, only people who deprive me.  I can’t remember when the last time was that I got a hug.  I cry myself to sleep and wake up lonelier then I’ve ever been and things are not getting better. …

It’s the eve of Mother’s Day as I’m beginning this and I’m more than a little frustrated. Things have not been so bad recently, but it’s a mixed bag of events and time is going by way too quickly. I’ve removed the post Alienated that listed many of the places I’ve been ostracized because it…

Not doing well today. I promise positive posts in the future, but truth is truth. Today would be the day we counted as our anniversary, together more than a decade… she passed away more than three years ago, but I haven’t got a friend in the world. So many people have been nice to me…

13 years of sobriety as of today. I don’t have any friends. Nobody cares about me. I don’t have any plans to celebrate, but it is a commemorate day worth marking on the calendar. Next year will be 14. For my birthday I took myself out to breakfast, but today the only plan is more…

Nice quote – “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” Audre Lorde

There is no choice but to start this day with hope. 2024 will go down as a year of failures. After several years of pursuing justice against a tyrant of a slumlord, and following the death of my friend and partner, I ended up with a lien against the property I live on. My landlord…

Well, I guess Christmas is over.  I didn’t get the new car I hoped for, and I didn’t get included in anyone’s plans.  As usual, I cleaned up the house for the possibility of company, but nobody came over.  I haven’t left the house all day, just watched football and cooked.  I made a good…

Severely depressed. Like every Christmas, all I have wanted is someone to make plans with… I should be doing last minute shopping, wrapping presents, or cooking something. But there’s no one on my list and no one to call. I haven’t had any friends in a very long time. I have reached out and I…

It’s December 1st, 2024 and things have not gone my way this year. I’ve just come through one of the loneliest Thanksgivings ever and I have no plans for Christmas or New Years. I’m beginning this month a thousand Dollars behind my goals, not a month ahead on my bills like usual, and business has…

One thing is for sure.  I don’t matter to anyone except those who have a vested interest in my failure.  Nobody cares about me.  Nobody knows me or misses me.  I have family from both sides who live in this town, old relationships and tons of people I’ve done business with… there are people from…

I’m at my wits end this morning.  It was another horny night, extremely isolated.  My home is eavesdropped on without a doubt.  Most recently, my landlord had me robbed because he felt threatened by something I said.  I am treated like a criminal by the Jehovah’s Witnesses who are nothing more than a deceptive Jesus…

I am more socially isolated than I’ve ever been and things are not getting better.  Driving by places like the pumpkin patch where they have a corn maze makes me feel like I’m on the outside looking in, excluded and unwanted.  It’s not the kind of place I would go alone.  All I have wished…

October 24, 2024 This is a correction to my last post, Unfinished Requiem, and some further explanation for anyone unfamiliar with my story. I suffer from a condition called prosopagnosia, or face blindness.  Basically, the brain separates faces from other patterns for the purpose of recognition.  For most people, it takes only .2 seconds to…

Why did you do this to me? Did you know that one of my big fears was that I wouldn’t see you again until I was diagnosed terminally ill, and that you would be the one to bring in the suicide machine? And now, I can’t get the image out of my mind – you,…