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Wrinkled Time
From the mouth of the cave at Moonstone, it occurred — rainbows have no end. And their tendency to appear and disappear makes hunting them almost hopeless. But, as rainbows always happen at a hundred and twenty seven degreesfrom the sun, in Winter they tend to lurk to the North. This is how the tour…
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Voluminous
2005Mar21 Voluminous So many words processed, I’ve transcribed forty thousand so far (another 10,000 to go). I am sick from a venomous spider, paranoid that my enemies are somehow responsible. What better solution could there be but to keep me from walking. They are still trying to push me out. My saving grace is the…
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Motel Morning
2005Mar03 Thursday morning with Jen in Grants Pass [motel] How could my one isolated experience with Leticia, nearly four years ago, still affect me? Still celibate six months after just seeing her in passing. I had to see her again. I thought I was going crazy. I was crazy (maybe still am). If only I…
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February’s End
2005Feb25 There have been so many thoughts, many lost, and with too much repetition or hesitance on my part with some. Women, love, life, art…the list goes on – I have to make a separate folder for each theme! The work I’ve set about doing is to heal myself, but the ramifications involve others. I’ve…
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A Transient Forever
2005Feb23 Another episode comes to an end with another journal entry transcribed. It’s amazing how pompous my speech was, how compulsive or disjointed on some days. There is so much to sort out but never a doubt that I love Leticia forever. It is too bad I fell into such doubts about being together, but…
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Where Lightning Strikes Water
Where Lightening Strikes Water…. February 16-17, 2005 It’s a good title for the book I have to write. I’ve finally purchased a laptop and can now begin transcribing my random journal entries. They’ll fall into topics, much about Leticia — life and love, of course. There’s so much work and I’ve only just become happy…
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2004Aug25
2004Aug25 Particular feelings of guilt and shame – no one to turn to but for those who say I need help. And it is intrinsically self-destructive to act alone. I can leave behind a letter, as feeble and cowardly as it is to leave. I think I have no choice. Yes, I’m in the midst…
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2004Aug24
2004Aug24 It’s made out to be the victimized are held responsible, that my personal goals are considered to be as inadequate as I feel I am. I know I have to earn respect but I’m being offered token apologies at best. Such a strange predicament. I’ve tried to tell anyone who would listen about my…
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2004Aug20
2004Aug20 No one cares, or if they do they remain unwilling to do anything about it. I’m 33 with a yearning that will kill me and for a woman who does not want me. This makes me undesireable and a pain in the ass to be around. No one likes me. And so I write.…
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2004Aug19
2004Aug19 Pity – Piety What contrasting connotations these words now hold…. To be so devout – homely and homeless. Passionate, driven, and useless. Priceless as a result of being invaluable. Unwanted. To be pious in this day is not sought after or admired, but to be pitiful draws people like parasites. Zealots are terrorists and…
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2004Aug16
2004Aug16 4:am Don’s Donuts Two hours sleep in my car – Run out by Arcata police…. Two more hours in Manila – this time the Sheriff. Too much driving (gypsy cab call)…. Entropy. An hour and a half until the pool opens (hot tub and shower) – another hour and a half until the coffeehouse…
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2004Aug15
2004Aug15 I did almost burn my writings many times, but this morning I sit to write even more. As a personal ritual I know I can’t imagine a life without words. Poetry might flatter the ears of unsuspecting listeners but no one is interested in the flow of consciousness. So far I’ve shared only little…
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2004Aug05
2004Aug05 Fog this morning, followed by sunshine – glorious in that rarely does one see the sun this early in Arcata (at least on foggy mornings). I am this way in my head this morning, too…. Foggy, but lifting. Pragmatic tasks to cling on to, but not the frictionless ear for my words yet. My…
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2004Jul18 (Poem)
2004Jul18 (Poem) Yesterday’s lover Passed without revisit Curled me up and laid me down While school girls woke me Teasing “Daddy, I’m home” Woke me to adult-hood Held me over – holding out Until today when I at last faded Drifted away without help And felt my heart sing Near the fire at ruby gulch…
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2004Mar15
2004Mar15 Monday Serendipity? What madness this world conceales behind thoughtful yearning and unfulfilled desires! Master plan? There’s chaos, only seems random…. Truth is a sentiment that cannot be broken by situation of wishful thinking. My life would be so much simpler if I didn’t have such powerful feelings for Leticia, but it’s not my feelings…
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