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2002Feb13
2002Feb13 Idiocy – The stupidity of my words. I see her in my mind for 8 months now… and then there’s that girl I saw writing one day. I am too rigid. Leticia is gone (or is she?) on the east coast finding happiness. How does this affect me really? Actuality – I see the…
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2002Feb06
2002Feb06 Leticia. The name holds a power over me. It’s not something out of my control, but a potency I drink in willingly. I talked to her for over an hour today. Neither one of us wanted to end the conversation. It’s as if her faith in life is a belief in me. I miss…
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2002Feb03
2002Feb03 [date corrected, was 2002Jan] So reading still annoys me. My socialization issues (aloneness in the group) cut to the core of writing and it’s meaning. If I write to myself, what’s the point. Seeing people I know doesn’t fill me anymore and I find myself wanting to spend more time with myself…. Writing myself…
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2002Feb01 (Poem)
2002Feb01 (Poem) [no date +- two days] The spirit is tremendous. It has the power of a raptor. It is limitless potential manifesting. The spirit is the source of the body and all thought. It is not what defines color But the light that shines through. Natural essence is indestructible. The image of you has…
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2002Jan19
2002Jan19 He writes himself letters. We wonder where your mind is at regarding sex. It is the purity inside the dirty that makes it hot. It’s taboo nature is what makes it arousing. I have just purchased art supplies. Even pen and ink is sensual. It is no different from a chill running up my…
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2002Jan18
2002Jan18 Or maybe I’m wrong. Creativity for any purpose becomes contrived just as I can’t force a relationship with Leticia. There is continued sunshine today. I awoke thinking of Leticia and through my complex logic I’ve decided I need a girlfriend. I am not prepared for the life long relationship I want – materially –…
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2002Jan18 (Poem)
2002Jan18 (Poem) Writing for performance Rapture is a terrifying seduction Stretch, to touch, to let go What’s grabbed gets thrown Relinquish that which could never be controlled Give up, give in, get sucked in To an experience of pure fantasy What awaits is wilder than one’s feeble dreams. Satisfy your urges Eat, drink, smoke, and…
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2002Jan16
2002Jan16 Sunshine. Another beautiful day in Arcata. No answer at Renee’s this morning – we’re supposed to go to the beach. My fear of rejection makes me wonder if I’m getting blown off, but then again, I know she has a fear of expectation. I wonder if what I have to learn from her is…
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2002Jan15 (Poem)
2002Jan15 (Poem) An unconditional chemical – Lord Shiva is a mix Of hydrogen, oxygen, and carbon. All matter must be a miracle. Nothing exists but aberrations. Reality is a mutation Of something more pure. Can love be definable Through terms of structure And branched lines? Nature is infinitely more complex Than what the mind can…
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2002Jan15
2002Jan15 Renee is incredible. She’s thought provoking and intelligent, beautiful and kind. She knows her own strength which is appealing to me. Actually, all of her is appealing to me (that which I know). I wonder what will manifest between us. At this point, anything is possible and that terrifies me. I am so satisfied…
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2002Jan13
2002Jan13 Poor Souls How ironic that I was one of them, the spiritually impoverished. I was all of them not too long ago. Here I am, just sitting, no longer begging for some reason to be who I am. The hell I’ve seen! The old clichéd and honestly treacherous path I thought I had to…
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2002Jan12 (Poem)
2002Jan12 (Poem) [no date] Musical vibrations of organic rhythm Not the hum of diesel engined Where is my love? Tribal chanting and primal sex Who is my love? Is the distant call so far away that I have tuned out her screaming now? Does she know I am waiting? Is she looking? I cannot search…
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2002Jan11
2002Jan11 Today is grey again, though not in spirit. There is too much to write and not enough time. It’s a business day. – – – Afternoon – – – Now for the practicality of life… I need money. $55 for an application fee to school, money for books, food and most importantly – entertainment.…
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2002Jan10
2002Jan10 So I’ve always known that spirits confuse names, or maybe just the mediums mistranslate, but I did not expect Texas to mean Phoenix. I suppose, that with the name significances of this last year (not to mention the particular significance of this trip), that Phoenix was indeed more appropriate than Amarillo to learn the…
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2002Jan06
2002Jan06 6am coffee. A great nights sleep. Freezing cold outside, but no rain. I left Virginia on Jan. first, around noon. I arrived here on the third. All signs say I should go west today. I’m running out of money. I’m bored. People are starting to talk to me. If I don’t leave today I…
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