2002Mar29 I have survived a trial by fire… and the jury is just returning. Faith is not compromise (Samuel conversation).

2002Mar28 I have a tremendous ability to detach… and also to concentrate.

2002Mar26 So, my predicament is this: I am undeniably in love with Leticia. Though I have forced myself to embark on new relationships, my heart is not in it. I only want Leticia…. And my loneliness is destroying my motivation to live. I have choice in life, but

2002Mar19 “I dream in volumetric proportions” [from margin] I am a very unapologetic person. I have vision. I want to demonstrate that a person may have a vision, manifest it, and be happy. The literal result of this is sculpture, or photography, or any creative thing if it’s done right. Destructive actions always have some…

2002Mar12 One delusion is that I’m always getting myself out of trouble when, in truth, I’m usually getting myself into it. I have been living out of a backpack for a year. The first part of it I had a car. I have camped, slept in rest stops and neighborhoods. I have spent nights on…

2002Mar11 It’s good to get lost in your head every once in a while. You have to accept that you have a lot of really bad ideas, but when you do a lot of good ones float to the surface; or, sometimes, there’s one good idea in a lot of bad ones. But still, there’s…

2002Mar09 I have vision. I envision; I’m a dreamer. I want to be a one-hit wonder as a jack of all trades. I am not looking for my place among the stars but just a chance (a turn) to shine in each of their places. The opportunity to be written up in thirty different kinds…

2002Mar07 This day; this anxiety! These cycles come at such unpredictable times. I felt it coming on this time for two or three days. I want to sculpt the tightness in my chest with ropes wrapped around my heart. Thank God for ganja. I have to take the air I breathe in deeper, slower rhythm.…

2002Mar06 Who are we travelers of the night? By the same honor among thieves we traverse the shadows, reappearing luminescently in the daily lives of strangers. And yet, we are the strangers. Murderers and vampires alike show us respect. We are God-sent foreigners spreading the magic of truth across a land built on lies. Somewhat…

2002Mar03 [dated 3/3 – 3/4] I have an eye; I know that. What I want is the ability to show what’s in my mind’s eye. I do not have a very visual mind. It is more conceptual. I want to communicate the feeling that a building can have, for instance, pushing you away with it’s…

2002Feb27 There is a hummingbird suckling the jasmine. I must find out if I can grow hibiscus here. With other herbs it could become a tea garden. Eating is a ritual. A simple way of life has the most profound rituals. Right now, raw almonds are my addiction. I share them with the dog but…

2002Feb26 Ritual: A beer, cigarette, non-ball point pen, top-bound spiral notebook…. Journaling, sketch book – must have ruler and dictionary, thesaurus and light. As the calla lily opens it turns white. I am tempted to cut it when it becomes perfect, before it begins to die in the slightest. One has already opened and the…

2002Feb17 Don’t think, just do. Actions speak louder than words. Yet there are those who think first and those who talk about what they’re going to do. There are those whose actions are thoughtful. The importance of mysticism in my life is often misunderstood. The sensations of living are a spiritual experience. What I do…

2002Feb15 Today I saw a red-tailed hawk swoop down in front of me and kill his prey. I was unexpectedly on my way to Trinidad and the ocean. I am reborn. The sun has just come out and the waves are brilliant with turbulence. Gravity is both pushed and pulled in ever-changing patterns of movement.…