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2002Nov10
2002Nov10 The sound of a terrible and low thunder illuminates the fault lines and the chips in these massive columns. The sky they support threatens to crumble as the walls press in and I am left in the middle of the room alone. What good would it do to kneel? Or crouch down, hide my…
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2002Sep24
2002Sep24 My whole purpose for being an artist is being shaken. This is my block. Not immovable but rather a glare that struck the central emotus system, light rendered into thing rather than thing illuminated. Preoccupation. Indulgent.
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2002Aug30
2002Aug30 I go blind. I go psychically blind. My sight was robbed and I struggle to get it back. That’s why I look for the chinks of silver and the glints of light. I’m searching for a vision, learning my truth. I’m looking for a reflection of myself. I do not want to take anything…
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2002Aug26
2002Aug26 That same insane craziness resounding throughout my being. What meaningful chaos. Hikah catches my attention with a solidity that shows me surrender in my heart. I think I’m falling in love with her even as my grasp on the fantasy of Leticia is wrenched loose. What pure passion manifest! Unrealized with Leticia and growing…
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2002Jul25
2002Jul25 Not to slip into a world of decadence but of fulfillment, rather, release – satisfaction is a shy self-indulgence as if traveling by train in a life with an infinite amount of time
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2002Jul06 (Poem)
2002Jul06 (Poem) Fluttering discordant rapidity Before my eyes a blur Memories and visions of the future Are the same static Repetitive sounds Random rhythmic events Separated only by confusion Understanding virtue And a butterfly Moving up and down My shakti loves another As do I – all others in fact The core of my heart,…
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2002Jun25
2002Jun25 What is on the edge of being possible is most spectacular.
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2002Jun24 (Poem)
2002Jun24 (Poem) [in margin, note – frame one] Bordas De Hielo, Cesar Vallejo [bracketed – frame two] Tears Are pearls Flowing as if Flowering In a succession Of spheres Echoed and reflected In a cavern Filled with the Darkness that exists Between water and ice [boxed – frame three] Is there passion in the stillness…
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2002Jun23 (Poem)
2002Jun23 (Poem) Critical diffusion Confused inside An ill mind Definition Becoming in question Thoughtless rogue Like one strand of a rope Hanging from the brain Tied to a brick Motion Emotion Still falling Almost hitting ground My anxiety I don’t own And my soul is a fool Locked in a room Sitting on a throne…
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2002Jun06
2002Jun06 Mushrooms What new thing could I see in the cards or in my head that would be comparable to that which I have already seen. My heart aches for you. [from previous page, no date] Where they can easily forget their pain. Slippery words are like stone puppets at a Sunday matinee. Diplomat To…
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2002May13
2002May13 Mt thoughts are of Leticia today. It’s been almost a year now that I’ve been thinking of her everyday. I haven’t spoken with her since Thursday – my heart aches! – and my whole day is engulfed with yearning I’ll call her this afternoon – it’s all I can think about. I just want…
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2002May09
2002May09 Thursday [wrong date in journal] What an interesting world this is! I haven’t been writing recently, so I’m not sure where to start… here, I guess. Should I waste this energy on expulsing the angst I have toward the injustices of the world? Dawn is back (bitch!!!), after stealing from me and, as well,…
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2002May06
2002May06 3:30am At last, the most beautiful woman in the world has called me, lifted my spirit from self-pity, and has given me hope as always.
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2002May01
2002May~~ [between May13 and May30] To be enlightened is to touch the world and watch it ripple. It is not that we have anything. It’s that we know we don’t have it. It is splendid. Nothing is absolutely exhilarating. Nothing really is everything. We hear and see and feel in endless variations. That’s all. The…
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2002Apr02
2002Apr02 The blue collar people of today, at the age of 30, are in worse shape than I. They have suffered more, had everything and lost it, changed careers three times, been institutionalized for attempted suicide, drugs, insanity or crime and now they write new-age, self-help books. [from a later page, may be Apr12] Leticia…
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