I am more socially isolated than I’ve ever been and things are not getting better.  Driving by places like the pumpkin patch where they have a corn maze makes me feel like I’m on the outside looking in, excluded and unwanted.  It’s not the kind of place I would go alone.  All I have wished for on every holiday is that someone would make plans with me.  But it’s like floating the river in the Summer or wanting to host BBQs – the Jehovah’s Witnesses believe I should be treated with the utmost of disrespect and I am continually slandered and people run interference in my personal life.  Having a personal and private relationship is hopeless.  And nobody cares.  It appears that the woman I’ve spent so long yearning for has married at least one other guy over the years and none of the players involved in such a long psycho game think I’m worth talking to.  I live in a place that’s like being on house arrest with constant eavesdropping, tracked where I go, and the overseers have demonstrably used all the information they can against me.  These people depend on government money and power but they can’t even answer an email?  Rights in this country have become a facade.  So I will be back out in the world today, still with no doors on my jeep – this is my job and my entire social life.  The other day I made a delivery to a neighborhood on the outskirts of town and then I had to return to pick up a delivery at a restaurant in that neighborhood, and when I returned there was the same woman standing out at a bus stop staring at me as I went by.  So, I waved… and she called the police and reported that I was stalking her and circling around.  I heard the call go out on the police radio I was listening to at the time and as I drove back past her she was on the phone pointing at me and visibly upset.  Unfortunately, the local authorities enable this kind of paranoia about men.  I think they gave her a courtesy ride to work to make sure I wouldn’t attack her on the bus or something, and I’m offended that the call went out on the radio to begin with.  There was a similar situation where I kept getting deliveries around Bodhi and they tried to claim I was stalking them.  Police showed up there, too.  But there is nothing illegal about driving down the street, even if a business owner doesn’t like you.  And in the case of the womb the other day, I’ve seen her recently in a couple of other places.  Honestly, I think I’m getting stalked and it’s driven by the same Jesus Cult and DHS.  And the number of times the police have been called on me here where I live is truly insane – but nobody will communicate with me directly.  So, I continue to be a law abiding citizen and a victim of psychological abuse at the hands of an evil landlord who actually believes he IS God while he calls me crazy.  I’m not dying my beard blue for Halloween like I had imagined – it’s raining, I’m afraid it would never be white again, and my only plan is to make some deliveries.  I’m still working on the doors and I really prefer not having them, though they do serve a purpose in this weather.  So, I’ll still be waving at people who stare and I’ll still be offering my number to anyone who wants to make plans with me.  So far, for so many years, that has been futile but there is no better alternative than to keep being available.  And for those who owe me, I’m still waiting.