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2004Aug24
2004Aug24 It’s made out to be the victimized are held responsible, that my personal goals are considered to be as inadequate as I feel I am. I know I have to earn respect but I’m being offered token apologies at best. Such a strange predicament. I’ve tried to tell anyone who would listen about my…
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2004Aug20
2004Aug20 No one cares, or if they do they remain unwilling to do anything about it. I’m 33 with a yearning that will kill me and for a woman who does not want me. This makes me undesireable and a pain in the ass to be around. No one likes me. And so I write.…
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2004Aug19
2004Aug19 Pity – Piety What contrasting connotations these words now hold…. To be so devout – homely and homeless. Passionate, driven, and useless. Priceless as a result of being invaluable. Unwanted. To be pious in this day is not sought after or admired, but to be pitiful draws people like parasites. Zealots are terrorists and…
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2004Aug16
2004Aug16 4:am Don’s Donuts Two hours sleep in my car – Run out by Arcata police…. Two more hours in Manila – this time the Sheriff. Too much driving (gypsy cab call)…. Entropy. An hour and a half until the pool opens (hot tub and shower) – another hour and a half until the coffeehouse…
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2004Aug15
2004Aug15 I did almost burn my writings many times, but this morning I sit to write even more. As a personal ritual I know I can’t imagine a life without words. Poetry might flatter the ears of unsuspecting listeners but no one is interested in the flow of consciousness. So far I’ve shared only little…
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2004Aug14
2004Aug14 [In margin: Look up mate] Your concern is my concern. I have sacrificed myself mostly through my words – such exhaustive use of sublime and evanescent energy. Thematic are the marks entropy, dissipation, and waste. Never, nobody, always; extremes. How did I become a Goddamned writer? All the sadness I just had to work…
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2004Aug13 (Poem)
2004Aug13 (Poem) Redwood Park Early afternoon Don’t trip on the promise Of yesterday’s forecast. Don’t fall backwards Planning tomorrows events. Positive presence: [Give her what she wants, But Don’t forget about myself] Selfless Full-bodied Being – Treasure is a celebration; Savour the moment, Dispel the world, And stop breaking thinks down. Rise.
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2004Aug06 (Poem+)
2004Aug06 Connect! Rejuvenate and be free It’s time to dance and sing And love with wreckless abandon I’m going to show the world what Power there is in faith I have leapt from the edge of the abyss Crossed the point of no return Thrown caution to the wind And dared to dream an impossible…
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2004Aug05
2004Aug05 Fog this morning, followed by sunshine – glorious in that rarely does one see the sun this early in Arcata (at least on foggy mornings). I am this way in my head this morning, too…. Foggy, but lifting. Pragmatic tasks to cling on to, but not the frictionless ear for my words yet. My…
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2004Jul28
2004Jul28 [No date, may be July 29] “I dance without shame Without societal blame” [-Avatara] Futile is any concern Exhausting discovery of endless repetition Temporary needs and hollow dreams Here I am going nowhere Drifting or wandering With effortful randomness As if my flow is natural, organic Conceived or perceived Maybe just self-deceived Today is…
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2004Jul27
2004Jul27 Tuesday Today I open to the love God intends for me. My father reached this point and met my mother. I think I used to try and recreate this – that demand to be open that was put upon me I carried for thirty-two years (talk about a late bloomer!) and sought it out…
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2004Jul21 (Poem)
2004Jul27 (Poem) Frail looking Hollow skin or flesh Cheap or free connections Never gifted Until the veil is lifted Dissipates a fog-like lie In an instant – an eternity A discerning eye Caresses the senses Then makes up its own mind It must be love Or there’ll be hell to pay Refresh dormant ideas Sullen…
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2004Jul19
2004Jul19 Monday Today promises to be telling. The loneliness and escape of the weekend settled uneventfully. The house, the cat, and my soul have all been maintained adequately but not yet nurtured as my love rested, and my drive to create layed dormant. There a pleasant peace to this morning…. There’s a pace and I’m…
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2004Jul19 (Poem)
2004Jul19 (Poem) Monday (The Butterfly Factor) Inhibiting lucidity Blaring and bleak With intensity Cohabited stone-yard Isolated island Flung through space Eruption from the point of no return
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2004Jul18 (Poem)
2004Jul18 (Poem) Yesterday’s lover Passed without revisit Curled me up and laid me down While school girls woke me Teasing “Daddy, I’m home” Woke me to adult-hood Held me over – holding out Until today when I at last faded Drifted away without help And felt my heart sing Near the fire at ruby gulch…
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