2002Jan13
Poor Souls
How ironic that I was one of them, the spiritually impoverished. I was all of them not too long ago. Here I am, just sitting, no longer begging for some reason to be who I am. The hell I’ve seen! The old clichéd and honestly treacherous path I thought I had to walk – I ran. I crawled. – I found myself back here, right where I started. Am I such a witch? I wonder. I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire intentionally! I conquered my fears only to realize my desires…to be here and alive. Now some of thepeople I see are the same ones who helped me through some of my darkest times. And now they are afraid of me! It’s almost comical to think I was most welcome when I was most incapable. I recognize the codependant nature of helping others and yet it was so God given. These people, with hearts of gold, are trapped in the frying pan of their own fear. I represent the edge, that they may fall over, lose what they think is security. I remind them that their greatest fear is looming on the horizon, as if one could walk into the sun and die. I thought that once. Rumi talks of this transformation I’ve seen – “Dive into the fire, come up in the water”. To those who knew me before I am the frail skeleton of death himself. I am the one with the key to the gates of hell! And yet they feel my compassion and it makes them confused and afraid. If only they knew how simple and beautiful life is!!! I am no longer spiritually impoverished. I no longer need a religious truth or rite of passage. I found the spirit within – inner happiness. I was the master of complication. Now I am the king of light. Light, not shadows with the unknown lurking, not the trap of the unseen, but the simple, peaceful beauty of the light of life itself. How sad these people are (and even still, how wonderful), not saddening but compelling. I want to give to them. I want to show them love – real love – the ever present radiance of what we can only call God, only seemingly transient, always unconditional. This irony in life
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