I keep waking up with a jolt in the middle of the night, feeling more isolated than ever.  Its a strange panic – I still feel that we're meant to be, and that what's meant to be, will be… but you're not here. Sometimes, I feel you close but I have no sense of direction, and I don't know if I'm on your mind or if you're around the next corner.  This is excruciating.  Where are you?  What are you doing?  I keep thinking to write some long-winded statement to set the record straight and regain respect, that would allow us to be together, as it should be.  There's been so much slander, and so much distance, that unbreakable faith and patience is trying.  I have never known such yearning as I have for you.  I need to actually be with you.  I have this sense that I should be camping, somewhere off the grid where I might keep from going stir crazy while I wait for you, but I don't know when you might show up… and I need a more direct line of communication with you – maybe a phone call?  I've come to the conclusion that in order to plan on meeting, we need an agreed upon time and place… or surprise me.  And at this point, I'd take a liason to inform me or escort me.  I have many ideas that might solve our problem, and the sense that the solution is stupidly simple, but I have no idea what I'm going to do.  Any chance we might be together for the eclipse?  Maybe I should come back to California?  Or meet you in Reno?  Or Mexico?  Or just wait here?  I'm only posting in Humboldt because I know you'll get the message… want my number? Wherever you are, just know that I love you and I miss you.