2004Mar16
Tuesday
I don’t want to be the only man left to choose. I want to be chosen over all others. There will be no rape, pillage or plunder. I have subdued the conquerer in me. I refuse to take a mate, rather that she gives herself to me. Happiness is a ruse – becomes a farce in life – when a person tries to arrange the critical elements of their own satisfaction…. Contrived like a stolen apple not one given by the tree. And the significant details once desired, now constructed, become thorny reminders of one’s discontent. I have lived this way before and I know how pride becomes an obstacle to resolve…. And how much energy is consumed by trying to make small corrections…. How much time is spent avoiding problems. Relationships like this are doomed to destruction, or some worse fate but it’s never pretty. Beauty, in all it’s divinity, is found most purely when love is true. The perfection of a flower cannot be replaced, nor will tricks to the emotion suffice. I only want Leticia. All else is fraud, regardless of the particulars.