2002Feb17

Don’t think, just do. Actions speak louder than words. Yet there are those who think first and those who talk about what they’re going to do. There are those whose actions are thoughtful. The importance of mysticism in my life is often misunderstood. The sensations of living are a spiritual experience. What I do is not unlike a religious act. Still, there are those mundane jobs. Is it so unreasonable to want to make the chores in life deeply meaningful? Or to desire detachment when there is no other soul to share with in the experience. To strive for art, for bridging the gap of imperfect communication, must be the closest thing left to being a priest. A shaman may remain anonymous like an artist. The creation, not the creator, is designed to draw in all attention. That is it’s opportunity to give back, to reflect. And by reflect I mean that one’s actions offer others the chance to see themselves, to learn, to understand. Thoughts become actions, become thoughts.

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Evening
Journal

What a day! I wish I had accomplished more, but so much has happened and I’ve been going non-stop since morning. Even Hudi is tired. Another flattered 30 year old…. We flatter easily. This environment, a bar, is not so conducive to writing, or maybe it’s the red light above me, or the fact that it’s been a long day, or all the pot I smoked, or that I am still alone. I remember a friend said “alone” was two words – “all one”. I don’t understand how that is desirable, though. And to say that leaving me alone is a sign of caring is as gross a miscalculation as my parents made when they decided that deprivation was a form of love. It certainly is safer to be alone without the risk of hurt feelings but also how suffocating. And here I sit, again, “alone in a room full of people as oft I’ll be in the future” (I wrote that a long time ago). Enough for tonight.