2001Aug15
My thoughts are consumed by Leticia. My heart reaches out for her and the connection I feel to Alina is indescribable. I want to be her father, her teacher, her friend. Still, Leticia is her mother and must be the only person whole in herself. I hope Leticia has talked to her mother. I am glad I have spoken to mine. I pray for them all. And I wish and I beg God for the honor to be a part of her life – her; my daughter, my wife, my mother – the goddess I see in Leticia, my shakti.

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What do I want? Leticia, Alina, family. So much has happened and still the image of my love is indelible, etched on my soul. I can stay here in Humboldt my whole life if I want but my only reason to be here is that I may see Leticia again. I pray for Alina and I wonder if she will ever know that I will always be there for her. I have had some hard lessons. Are they over? Have I finally died my last death? I am so impatient. I starved myself of happiness so that I could understand it. Now that I have found it as ordained by God it is the single most important reason to be alive. “What do you do for a living?” I show God’s love and he takes care of me. It pays well.